Naming Names

A step…is a step forward, up, down, back…whatever-

On wensday I saw Mark, the director of my first movie, and we got to talk about my documentary somewhat. I told him that I never wanted to work with Arthur Luhn (from Eyeth Films) again and that I wanted to keep my project as far away from him as I could. Arthur has no respect for his actors and volunteers and his work is sloppy. I also got some advice on how I could portray the documentry. Since then ideas have been playing around in my head!

If you go view some articles on Arthur and his acheivements- you would notice often that some call him “The Unstoppable Arthur Luhn” and it just makes my stomatch lurch. I really feel like too many people get away with things, especially if they have a front like deafness to cover it up. I realized that I would be like the many people he has victimized in the past if I dont say anything about it, so here I am, blogging on about it. Its not much but its a start. I went through so much grief during the filiming. The other actors noticed how he treated me differently. He was enamored with me and did not understand why I refused to sleep with him or be affectionate with him. I simply said that I was not attracted to him and was not interested in anything other than a business relationship. He never got over it. Eventually his behavior started to become creepy and forceful, the kind where if I said no he would argue with me to change my mind and his face would get redder while I remained unchanged. And Id be shaking. Luckily one day my co-actor was there and she stuck up for me. I was just too tired of it and I could see he was tired of me not wanting to do what he wanted.

In so many ways, he reminded me of Mario- someone with an abusive profile. Later on I found out from other people within the deaf community that he had a restraining order put on him because he was stalking his ex-girlfriend. I guess I dont really have to wonder what the story behind that is. I mean during the last night of making the movie that was about domestic violence one of the actors said that it was so ironic that Arthur wanted to do this type of movie, and that maybe it was a way for him to give pennance for what he did to his ex-girlfriend. Not too soon after “Breaking the Circle” commenced, a girl told me that Arthur had raped her. You know, not the physical force kind, but the kind where a man keeps asking for it and disregards the nos, keeps at it until the girl is so mentally tired from saying no, no, no, that finally you just lie there and do nothing.

Do you wanna know the ironic thing about this? Arthur told me about this encounter but at the time I had no idea what it was really about but he was trying to tell me he hadnt had sex in 2 years and his recent date didnt count. This was how he painted it to me, they had gone out on a date… then they went back to his place… they had started to do it but she just “laid” there doing nothing so he stopped.

Now its like “DUH, she laid there because she didnt want to do it you prick!” Sigh. He has done something disgusting. He will continue to do disgusting things whether he knows it or not if no one says anything. Its a waste of potentional. He could really achieve so much more.

I just found this on the internet today… Thats me in my first short film. Hee hee, thank god I grew out my hair!

 

Friday, August 6, 7 PM
Location: The Old Woods Hole Fire Station
Genre: Drama (Emerson - Latent Image Awards)

Solace

Description: An exploration of the emotional boundaries that exist between individuals. Through brief glimpses of a relationship between a hearing man and a deaf woman, the film also surveys the essential pleasures of cinema itself: visual, aural, and perhaps even tactile.

Year: 2004, Length: 10 min.;Shot on: 16mm, State and Country of Origin: Massachusetts, U.S.A.
Producer: Jason Pachomski, Landon Zakheim; Director: Mark Stetz; Writer: Daniel Ledonne; Camera: Tim Luke; Editor: George Loucas
Cast: Mark Stetz, Regan Thibodeau
…

This is a card that was sent by a dear friend, Kirsta. Its PERFECTLY ME! So Im using this as my image to send lots of love to my family and friends. Tee hee!

What CAUSES Diversity?

Ive been sleeping so oddly. Im just soo excited. The other night, I couldnt sleep until 4am. What did i do all that time?! I invented a way to write my friends names so it looks a lot like chinese characters. Its kinda neat. Then last night I went to bed at 9am only to wake up wide awake at 330am. I was so mad! I read a book that was boring enough to knock out any hyper person.

REASON:

Ive booked a bus trip home for this weekend! Jami and I have decided that we did not want to wait any longer if we had an opportunity to sieze. Missing him is excruitating! I will only have a couple days home so I will probably miss out visiting with friends, especially Echo and Michelle *sniffles* since they live so far away from Jami’s and I will not have my car. However, my Dad is planning to come visit me. He didnt lecture me about missing Thursday’s class so he probably misses me, too. Phew.

I had weird dreams last night, but the one from last week really tops it off for the month so far. I had given birth to triplets, but it was a surprise that I was pregnant to begin with. I gave birth first to a still born, then to a SIX ARMED still born, the last one was barely alive! It looked at me with pain. The End. Man, that was too far fetched for my tastes. Last night I dreamed about Keri’s Pregnancy. I hugged her and then I rubbed her tummy gentlely and said, Hi Bambino! Then the next thing I know, everyone is accusing her of not being pregnant and that shes making it up! I kept saying, LOOK at her stomatch, its REAL!

See how I long to sleep normally again? I know I will be well rested after this weekend! WHEE!

         Hmm, sometime early evening it hit me that Chris’s Birthday was today. He was to become 22. I remember when I first started tutoring him, maybe it was our third session together and he was telling me about his plans for his birthday and later about how great of a time he had. He owned a white jeep which he pimped out for off-roading. Well, at his funeral I saw a picture (you know, on one of those posterboards with a collage of pictures) of him  and his friends surrounded around the muddy jeep with beers in hand and smiles on their faces at dusk. I KNEW right off, that it was the night of his birthday. He was a good kid. So anyways, Im wearing red and black today, those were his fave colors. Because my laundry is piling up, Im wearing a black skirt. EWWW. Hee hee.

         On a new note, I had a thought recently. You know how schools are set up with extra security because administrators are trying to fight violence and yet violence doesnt seem to cease? Well, the other day I found myself slipping my hand into my jacket and it hit me. My fear has been magnified! You see, all last semester I walked to school and home throught this small park without any fear. Even at night. However, for Christmas my father gave me a pepper spray as socking stuffer and I just laughed to myself and with polite enthusiasm remarked, oh thanks! I finally have one! When I got back to school, of course I felt the obligation to put it in my jacket pocket just because I know that when (not if, when) Dad asks me if I have been carrying it around with me I will not be able to lie to him. Heh. I got used to my little “Peppy”, he became quiet comfortable, so comfortable that one night when I walked to a friends house and automatically slid my hand into my pocket to only find it not there. I GASPED! Then my eyes verted all over, looking left to right as I walked, thinking…how could have I forgotten. Because, for sure- Im going to get attacked TONIGHT of all nights. It was either the theory of Murphy’s Law freaking me out or the fact that I had a Peppy, a reason to fear so that I had ”something” to justify to having one. Thanks Dad. Instead of security of bliss and top notch kung fu, I have grown to depend on the security of a little wee wee Peppy. Sigh. How do I know its not going to be impotent in time of need?

         My point is, really- what is it that creates so much fear that we have to believe that we must fight violence with violence? Do having metal detectors and patrol policemen in schools really help the external and internal problems within the system? NO! It does not. Its a form of enablement. Like my grandfather allowing my mom one beer whenever she visits his house. That doesn’t control her alcoholism, it teases her disease. What happens when someone/something gets teased? Not everyone laughs it off or ignores it. So what do we do instead with schools (or anything) that concern us? Time to read! Toodles.

Well, Good afternoon everyone

THE PATS WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Hee hee*

Ive been having a slow day because I kept hitting the snooze button. Im sure my roomates are sick of hearing it vibrate. My bed (a futon mattress) is on the hardwood floor so that echos the sounds elaborately. I dont really get along with one of them. She and I have a huge personality conflicts. For an instance, she has decorated the living room with fake flower bouqets, lacy linens, and her late grandmothers Country Cowboy style oil paintings of cactuses and flowers. (Shes no Georgia O’Keefe) Now those of you who know me well know that I dont have tolerance for fake flowers! I like the tribal theme made up of some unique looking pottery with a tapestry on one of the walls. Besides the decor tastes, we are okay Heh.

I went to my first dance rehersal 930-11pm last night (Isnt that unusually late?!). I love the choreography. Its so matriculous and intense. Im excited about performing on stage once again, especially in a Columbia University Dance Group, called Orchesis,to carry on my tradition of dancing/acting in a show at every school that Ive attended.The only trouble I have with this dance is that the music SUCKS when it comes to beats. I cant hear any contrast! Groan. If you have seen the Matrix movie, then you have probably heard the song “Clubbed to Death”. Im counting on myself to internalize the pace, especially if im in the front when we first start, I dont wanna make a fool out of myself and the group.

For those of you who AIM me, I have a countdown on my away message because it helps me pass the time for when I finally see Jami again. I miss him very much. And as I mentioned before, its because I want that dinner all ready when I get home! Lol. Seriously, emails and AIMS just cannot replace the unspoken words shared when you are with someone physically.

I gotta run!

 Jami and I have been together 7 months now and are going strong. We dont get to see each other very often but we talk eveyday. (He lives in Maine and works at a local hospital while I attend school in NYC). Trust and communication is the foundation for us. Hes the most amazing guy I got to know and love. I miss him. The little things that make up who he is make me smile for no reason in the middle of reading a dull excerpt about lexical roles in grammar or make me gaze off with a faraway look as I walk home. I long for the day when I get to go home, our home, and Jami is there, greeting me with dinner ready on the table. (HAR HAR HAR. That was just to paint a cuter picture. ;))

In this picture I had asked Jami to take it for us because his arm is much longer than mine, being at 6 foot four, it came out alright. It took me an hour to figure out how to get the pix scanned and transferred to this contraption. Now its kinda tiny but its better than seeing us all blown up. Hee hee.

Toodles