Naming Names

Tomorrow marks the year since Chris’s fatal accident. I am taking a bus home tonight to be there to honor his memory tomorrow. Not only was he a wonderful person (trust me Im not just “saying” it) but he was kind hearted. He struggled with soooo many obstacles in life as a HH person who did not know sign well and written or spoken English. But he perservered to get himself into college. That is how I met him- I became his English tutor and got to know him. His life was rough at home because of the hoodlums in his area and he could not find one decent deaf person that didnt want to make trouble. But somehow, he always went to school and did his assignments. I admire him for his determination and bottomless barrel of patience for himself and others. 

Sigh… How am I REALLY feeling right now? Sad. It hurts to know that was the only way that I would be, in a figurative sense, reborn as an emotional being. In a small way, to honor his memory is to embrace my own. I feel like if I was Gulliver (the tall tale character) and people were to strike oil on me, they would get a live one! Make millions off the tears that I could and have shed. *Shakes Head* Before Chris’s death, I could beg myself to cry and barely break a tear. I never cried at movies and felt such a warm feeling where tears of joy would break free from just seeing an inspiring moment, too. Sure I have cried out of anger and frustration, which is of a level of undue stress where its damn near impossible to supress it like while I was with Mario.

I miss Chris. I can hear his voice and laugh. Those of you who met him would know that he had this eyebrow shape that gave him a michevious look. I remember exactly what I felt and heard when I last spoke to Chris, which was 2 days before he passed, and it is scary. Maybe because I realize how desensitized I was when Chris was telling me how he would like to die on his motorcycle if he had a choice. I felt as if it was just a natural conversation that was a little on the morbid side. The horror of thinking I had actually missed a hint of a suicide was beyond me. I am thankful to have the solace in knowing that it was not intentional. I dont know how I found him. We must have found each other- Josh, Chris’s best friend, and he was the one that knew the answer I searched for. Chris had asked him that morning if he could borrow his helmet so he could give his tutor a ride after class that day. I knew then, Chris was planning to go from A to B and we would ride together after class. You know the last thing Chris said to me? “I wish you didnt have to go to Columbia, who will be here to teach me next year? Theres no one like you but I know you got to do it. Come back after.”

When I recieved the news from our mutual friend, Mike, I was devastated but I knew I had to go to my last class where ASL 1 and 2 did a potluck. I kept expecting Chris to show up! The class was not the same to me without him. I dont know why, but it was shocking to see that some students never got to know him so were therefore unaffected by the news. That was when I realized we take each other for TOO DAMN granted. I still believe that today. I think that was the reason why all of my goals seemed trivial, they were all superficial and not people related. Who the fuck cares if you got a Ph.D. Its just a decoration on the wall but it doesnt CHANGE the QUALITY of you relationships with people. Thats the key- quality time.

 

I was so tired by the time I got home last night but even though I lay under the covers by 10pm, I couldnt sleep until the wee hours of the early morning. Yesterday, I attended a consecutive interview mtg that lasted 3 hours in search to fill the interpreter coordinator position here at TC. The candidate were presentable but no one could deny the fact that one candidate stood out among the others. Not only does he possess the traits of our former coordinator, patient, understanding, flexible, lethal interpreter skills, extenstive knowlege of the interpreting community in NYC, and most of all- gets along with everyone at TC. He has YEARS of experience in all arenas of interpreting education and professional development. I hope that he accepts the job offer!

After that I went to class where I knew I was the first to present, however, the projector wasnt working! The media and I fiddled with it but I had to go cold. I think that the presentation went well even though I didnt have any visuals.

Today I have another presentation and the projector HAS TO work! I need to show the graphs- its a grade based thing!. Yesterday’s presentation was for a class in which the teacher is much more flexible and didnt grade upon that. So I was not too fazed by it.

My friend, Echo, is having some complications with her pregancy that reminds me of Kirsta’s. I really have my toes crossed for her. It would be too weird to see that most of my friends had preeclampsia and premies (Michelle Eaton, Kirsta, then…? Echo?) The rest of my friends are not yet aiming for a child cuz they need to get married first or want a house first.

Gotta write my final draft for my Semantics research paper!

 

I had a great weekend with my lobstah friends. Lori, Michelle, Kate, and Jami were in a frenzy- trying to find my apartment before I left for warm up prior to the show. Alas, we missed each other and entrusted Lyn to let them into the apartment for me.

While Thursday’s show was horrenous because no one could see how they lined up in the dark for the opening, friday’s show was awesome! As I performed, I saw no one but then saw Michelle’s warm face and that was all I needed to confirm that my friends made it to the show. I was so happy I didnt see Jami’s face because I probably would have broke out a grin against my wishes! At intermission I went out to greet them and sat with them through the remainder of the show.

We went to Coyote Ugly- Lori had always wanted to go but I think she was disapointed with the place. It was very small and they played music that Lori wasnt fond of. Oh well- Kate and I got up on the counter though. The funny thing is when I came through the door and started showing my ID to the bouncer, he immediately said “I dont need to see that, you are the girl that danced on our counter for like 4 hours straight last time!” I Grinned and said “yeah, that was me- crazy night huh?” It was funny to find that I had a reputation. The sad thing was none of the same bartestresses were there ;(

Saturday we had a great brunch- see pictures. I think Michelle had the best overall meal.

Then we headed for 5th ave Saks. I dont think Lori truely believed me that it was EXPENSIVE there until she saw it for herself. This is her asking how much the purse was and her eyes really got dialated when recieving the figure… actually, now that I think about it- this is her after her initial shock in the Prada section. Now she is here in the Gucci section, filled with hope that she could find a nice sized purse for less than 300 dollars.

On our walk up 5th ave heading home to get ready for the evening, we stopped by the commons near the Crown Plaza. (Kate) (Lori asking Jami a Q)

 

Alas, I did not take pixs of us during Dinner or at Webster Hall dance club but I did take one of the sleeping beauties on the subway ride home afterwards, tee hee! I cannot believe I do not have any pictures of Michelle Hopefully soon I will get something from the others to add to this page.

Last night I lay awake

My mind rehersing moves for showtime

Didnt know how else to shake

The anticipation into a pantomime

A monotone, a sure way to fall

Quietly into R.E.M on a dime

Basically- Im TIRED today because my brain wouldnt leave me alone with its repetitive need to reherse the dance steps over and over again. *SIGH* Im not even nervous… just damn hyper =P It was like this:

• Brain: Hey “Mind” the back, arch it high, and snap out sharply.
• Mind: Right, right *visualizes this*
• Brain: And be sure to keep those hands wide and tense.
• Mind: Right, right *visualizes this*
• Damn… My mind is a slave, so damn passive… my body shouts “Hello? Your actions has an affect on others including yourself. If you keep this up we all will be too damn tired to do what Brain wants us to do efficiently!”
• *Blankness* ZZZzzz…

Last night I attended to my first run-through conducted by the Columbia University community and it was incomparable to my experience at MSSD. Tim McCarty knew his stuff and selected a good crew to command. The lightning staff was 1 hour behind schedule, putting the rest of us behind, and during the run-through the sound crew struggled to find the right music for this particular group- then when they found it, it kept skipping. It was funny. Some of the dances were HOT HOT HOT. Especially the one after mine! Attendees are in for a “Laker’s Half-Time Show” treat.

Meanwhile, my dance is kinda abusive. We do this “crawl” dance twice through the peice and it is one of the best parts to the dance but its hard on our knees. During rehersal some of us even bled even though we wore pants. See todays picture- this is after 3 consectutive days of preparing for the show. Hey no pain no gain!

This morning I got an email “to home” from Kirsta… I was AMAZED! It adds to my list of reasons why I should have a deep freezer in my home someday See below;

58 bottles of “extra” breast milk.  Isaac always got the freshest which
was me when I was there, but these represent the excess I was pumping
when while he was in the hospital.  I was infamous because the staff
had to send me home with most of this early, since there was no room for
the other mother’s milk in the freezer!  They kidded me but decided it was
good since isaac would never go hungry.  My milk supply has adjusted to
match isaac’s needs and I no longer have to pump the excess (there is
none).

The sad news is that the midwives told me this milk is only good for 2
weeks in a “normal” refrigerator-freezer.  In a deep freeze it would be
good for several months.  Sad to see it all go, but I will sterilize
and use the bottles again.  Recycling makes me feel better.  Breast-milk
soap anyone?

 

Two words: ICE CREAM!

Where: At ANY Ben and Jerry’s store in America!

When: Today up until 8pm

Me: I vant somethin’ vith caramel…

I just got this pix of my Cousin Sara Titus. I guess my Dad’s family trademark, blue eyes and high arch eyebrows, is still in the gene pool. She is kinda cute. 

 

I then dug up a picture of my Dad with Sara and her new baby brother, Nate, who also has the Titus trademark. Its hilarious- Dad is wearing the Ape face T-shirt and my Dad representing the missing link… Nate staring at him in questioning surprise, “THATS my uncle?!?!” Hee hee. (Sara looks like shes grimacing. I was not there so I have no idea what she was thinking. Her parent must have called out her name for this kodak shot.)

Heres a picture of Ben’s new bling bling- It is gorgeous! A Limited Edition 2005 Harley Davision Road…err… a model that starts with an “R”

Heres a pix of the “NYC couple” from April 8th weekend:

First off, I thought I would have to worry about finding a new apartment for the upcoming school year because of LYN. Im seeing a pattern with my roomate. Last night I texted Paula asking when she would be home so we could go over facts on our living arrangement because Lyn told me that the rent was going to go up and that the lease will not be renewed this July. Paula called Lyn and discussed this misunderstanding and told me that she never said a thing aside from saying that her room will be vacant July 1st and we should look for a replacement…Seriously, I think Lyn takes too much prescriptive medication for her own good or something- how could she believe that Paula said anything else?

At least I can rejoice that all I have to look forward to that involves logistics (the cancun trip is all-inclusive) is my two volunteer job opportunities this summer working with deafblind participants. I am anxiously looking forward to going to Napa, Cali. Not only because I will be working in one of the most beautiful areas of northern Cali but also because Ill be really close to the Redwoods. Its been a personal dream of mine to walk among the ancient trees. There nothing more magnificent than something that survived through history and time. I admired Julia “Butterfly” Hill for her contribution to the Luna tree, a redwood, by living in it for 2 years as a means to prevent it from being cut down. Ecology Hall of Fame honors her http://www.ecotopia.org/ehof/hill/. And a further story by a person who visited her during a rally, http://www.monitor.net/monitor/9807a/butterflyprofile.html. Ive seen her speak, twice, and she really sends out energy in her words- a very captivating person. I got to meet her with my ex-boyfriend and somehow he and her started talking about how she was happy that he interpreted for me. We gave her the name sign J-TREE. At the second speech two years later- I went again with my friend Kirsta (I think she interpreted for it this time) and my ex was there as my ex but  we said hi to her together after the presentation and reminded her of her name sign in hopes she would remember us. She did.;) If she is in your area, I recommend you to see her because she ROCKS!

As for the logistics of the other volunteer job in Topsham,Maine, Genny and Zach are coming home with me to also volunteer. This will be a brushing off experience for me… I hadn’t personally brought home anyone from out of state since MSSD.

Gotta run, R

 

Lately NYC has been feeling differently for me. I suppose its because I know its almost time to go home for the summer and thats pushing me to enjoy what I can while Im here. I have started to go out more often to meet up with different people. I am finding myself liking people more and more, expanding my interest in them and being friends, as if I am becoming my social self again. It is funny to hear from these people what they first thought of me when I got here last fall. One girl thought I was a heavy drug user and another girl thought I was really bored with how things worked in NYC. Smile.

Thursday evening I met up with a few people like the nortorious Ricky Taylor www.ridor.blogspot.com, who asked me if I still thought his haircut (see picture on his blog)looked like the male counterpart *wink* and I told him no, it was growing out, and 8 visitors from the UK. These people were really nice and fun to talk with. We are all getting together again tonight at a dance club called DEEP. I really wanna burn the stress form the finals by shaking my booty. Ive been sitting all day working on my papers and im ready to fall asleep any moment now.

Perhaps, Jami’s visit to NYC last weekend really perked me up. We had such a great time- I felt so lucky to feel the bliss of our love in NYC- somehow it brightened all things. We went sightseeing and ate in our favorite restaraunt where we reminscenced our first date there when I first moved here. So much between us has grown and I feel that our foundation is strong.When I need a friend to talk to, he is it. Finally, I can confide in my own boyfriend- I’ve went too long without that luxury.

My mother continues to try improving her appetite but the mini siezures make her feel unmotivated because she cant trust herself to move around in her small apartment safely. I hardly ever hear from my father nowadays, his girlfriend Noella must keep him busy. Actually, hes been using my car since spring break also- maybe hes having too much fun in that go kart Grampy is becoming his age everyday… I worry about his passing only because I dont know who will take up his role as the family glue. He is my mother’s legal gaurdian because he is her chief fianancer, and he is the family bank basically… my aunt consantly has financial problems because of her house and car problems so she turns to grampy for loan after loan. My mom only gets to go to family functions because grampy brings her and finds a way to get the rest of the family to put up with her presence. My uncle cant stand her. He told me once before that it was because it hurts him to see how someone that was so free spirited and talented as my mother become something less than. I personally think it is because he is still angry at his own mother for her aolcoholism and transferred it onto my mother because grandma died when he was 25 or 26 when he had not yet identified his role as a child of an alcoholic. Who knows, I can only speculate!

Okay, I am off to go work on that paper for I will be busy rehersing for the show all week and entertaining my LOBSTAH friends. I cant wait to see them! Then the weekend after I am headed to Maine to honor my friend’s memory at his grave on the 29th. Oh! Kirsta’s son gave the most adorable pose in his sleep the other day, check it out at www.helloalien.blog.com. His right hand was in the shape of an ILY sign on his cheek as he slept!

Matt Kapley, Echo’s husband, got into Law school! Big cheers to the family! Its nice to know people who get to their goals after talking about them and working towards them for a period of time.