Naming Names

I sat yesterday watching my son breastfeed, a wonderful image of thriving on something so simple, yet amazing and powerful. I wonder in awe how my body can provide everything he needs in infancy then it hits me- I almost chose a life without children. My grandfather was right, indeed, there’s nothing else like it. Of course, what you don’t know cannout hurt you so I wasn’t hurting but now I know what it is like to have a child so it aches a bit. Some people wonder how they can fit a child into their life, budget and time wise…honestly it just fits, no ifs and buts. Like when we adopted our two cats and we wonder what life was like before them, you just can’t imagine how much space you had without them because it seems like a waste. There’s just so much love to go around. Kirsta is right in her reply to my question, “what is it like to have two kidss now?” She replied, “}here’s more love, it isn’t divided from the amount I had when I had just one.” Oh, I came up with an anology that may either put people off or is agreeable: you know that new grocery store or business development in your area? See how it just fit right in, even though they tore down trees and raked the land to build it? Can you imagine the abundance of land before it? While I’m very into mother nature and the preservation of the environment, I’m just saying for this example, that the abundance seems like land being unused thus a waste. Now, remember- when I didn’t know, this “waste” was well used in my career development as a CDI and ASL Instructor, my social life, and so on so I felt like I was very content and I really was secure with it. So either way it was fine- the trick is the “knowing” part Therefore, I totally understand why parents grieve soooo deeply when they loose a child before they themselves pass away. How can you live a life without children after you “know”?